Update

My grandma – who I called Farmor (Swedish for father’s mother) – died last night.  About sometime around 4am.

My dad called me to let me know about 4.

We got to see her, the whole family, on Wednesday.  One of the few days this week which I did not work two shifts.

She had fallen again like the evening before, I guess.  Everybody just came and sat with her, she didn’t really respond, just kind of stared into space.

Before that, I got to see her I think a week before, also on Wednesday.  She was asleep the whole time until we left and said goodbye.

June 3rd, though, was when I really got to see her, really say goodbye for real.  She had seen an angel that night before (or early morning or something) who had told her she would die at night.  She was pretty shaken up by that, of course …
But she was alert then, doing well.  We had conversations.

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Coping

I like things to be explained. Explainable. A precise reason, cause and effect. It’s how you make sense of things you don’t like, it’s like a form of control.

Deconstructing things, down to their pieces, their causes and their methods.